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any kind of text i create that i felt were interesting/good enough to go here, are here.

nov 3, 2019 / 1:28AM

i had the coolest dream last night. screenwriters, take note.

it was midday. i was in one of my college's corridors, and this guy had a knife and fork and was trying to cut into his head. he gave up and called someone on his phone, he went downstairs and outside into the empty bus bays - i followed him.

this girl he must have known and a teacher (or some kind of staff member) were waiting for him outside. no other people around. they were telling him he was silly and shouldn't be cutting into his head; he said he wanted to eat the nasty thoughts out of his brain. they were sort of laughing with him, but it felt like they knew he had mental issues or something.

they stole one of the college buses, it was empty and the girl just got in and started driving it. him and the teacher got in. i got in too, and no one questioned me.

we just started driving around town, and stopped at some charity shop. the boy and i browsed and sang together to some song they were playing, everyone was looking at us but we didn't care.

last thing that happened before i woke up is that i got everyone to do the woah in a line in the changing rooms. let's forget about that last part but idk, i thought the whole thing was sick.

nov 6, 2019 / 9:31PM

nov 7, 2019 / 8:54PM

remember: you are already on your way to hell :) give it up

nov 17, 2019 / 3:08PM

everything is getting better, but i feel the same. i should be the happiest person in the world sometimes, but i just feel neutral. nothing affects me positively. the world is in greyscale, and someone is to blame

nov 19, 2019 / 8:19PM

there will never be an artist that means as much to me as michael kofron does, nor will there ever be an actor i love more than jack nicholson. just for the record

nov 24, 2019 / 10:54AM

five months ago, i came to the conclusion that i'd never be happy again.

today, i am the happiest i have been all year.

the thing i used to believe was my source of happiness was actually the source of my despair - a very dangerous mindset to have. i encourage everyone reading this to double-check what truly makes them happy. i've found real happiness, and i'm very excited for how the rest of my life is going to play out

dec 31, 2019 / 6:32PM (refined jan 1, 2020 / 6:55PM)

a brief critique of third-party advertisements dominating the monetisation of online creative content, in favour of an individualist approach

free online content - such as journalism and youtube - is mainly led by clicks/watch-time, and relies on third-party advertisements for profitability. this is evil and exploitative of the general public interest. youtubers and journalists are putting out stupid shit most people know isn't right or true. everyone with a brain understands the journo/youtuber is just trying to make cash money, which is why third-party advertisements as the single monetary source fails. people are always complaining about this side of journalism and youtube, without even questioning whether the monetary system is the problem (it is). quality creations in these fields can only exist with a subscription service - through the journalist business or creator network business, or through a website like gumroad. the creator will actually deliver in the audience's interest - as well as his own - rather than in the interest of advertisers, and the creator's income won't be as much of a worry that affects the quality of the content produced by him.

a website like patreon is primarily used for creators who keep their main content free, and are offering bonus content & perks for a smaller, more dedicated circle within their fanbases. while this approach would suffice for larger creators, this is not feasible for smaller creators; ultimately, a paywall for all content is much better for a creator's revenue, regardless of his dominance in the market. in the case of youtubers, youtube should be considered the platform for brand new creators to grow their audience, while making a small sum of money from their content - a bit like an apprenticeship. as a creator's reputation grows, he will be able to move to gumroad, where his core fanbase will support him voluntarily in order to access his new material which they seek.

of course, not everyone would be able to afford the paywall, but if he has more than around 15,000 subscribers/active readership, enough people will transfer to gumroad that the creator can make a living on his online creative work alone - so it would actually benefit a creator of that size a lot, since youtube's partner program/adsense would give a creator of that size next to nothing in terms of pay. if a creator has a lower amount of active viewership/readership, chances are a second job would be bringing in more of his income separate to his creative career, as he slowly works his way up in the online creative industry. even after the paywall is fully implemented, audience will continue to grow the way it unarguably grows fastest & most effectively - through word of mouth & social media.

jan 15, 2020 / 9:30PM

do not expect trust from anyone on this earth. no friend or family member will want to keep you around when it becomes an inconvenience to them. people will care about your feelings, until they feel too pressured to do so. you might have a different experience with society, but this is my own. the situation has repeated consistently, with a new set of people every year, for as long as i can remember.